perennialchild1:
I have plenty of experience with arguments. Maybe it has something to do with obsessing over Mock Trial. More likely it has something to do with being a sister.
Whatever the reason, arguments are something I enjoy. There is something pure about feeling my face heat up until it’s emitting UV radiation from frustration. I’m also competitive by nature, so it’s just *fun* to pick apart and demolish people’s arguments if I can. I’m also obscenely happy whenever I win a case in the courtroom.
But the real world doesn’t work like a courtroom, and often arguing is about the worst thing you can do when you differ in opinion with someone. Not everyone will believe you’re right just because you have the best evidence. Nor will they agree with you because you argue well and critique their beliefs flawlessly. In fact, if you do that they’ll often just think you’re an ass and their opinions won’t change one iota. Debate is about the most ineffective way of resolving disagreements in the real world. Remember the Creationism debate between Ken Ham and Bill Nye? It dragged on and on, yet only confirmed the beliefs the attendees already had.
Laying down a line of social retreat is one of the most important things you can do if you’re trying to change someone’s mind on a topic. (Read Less Wrong’s “How Not To Lose an Argument”). This means you have to allow someone to be wrong without having lost, without being stupid, and without being a bad person. When people don’t have a line of social retreat, opposition to their viewpoint will cause them to cling harder to their beliefs. They will reject what you say out of hand. It’s human nature.
So what is a line of social retreat? Less Wrong used Sun Tzu’s The Art of War to illustrate this idea. One of Tzu’s strategies for winning a fight was to allow the enemy to retreat. He saw that without an escape route,the enemy would fight with more fervor, causing more damage to his own armies. Yet, eliminating lines of retreat for his own army encouraged his warriors to fight more effectively.
Let’s look at some examples. My Seminary class examined how Nephite believers purportedly behaved around the time of Christ’s birth. Samuel the Lamanite had promised them hundreds of years earlier that there would be a sign when Christ was born. The non-believers mocked these Nephites, and said that the time for the sign had already passed. The believers were just being stupid and wasting their time—Christ would not be born.
“What would you have done, if they were mocking you? Would you have felt tempted to fall away from the faith?” my teacher asked.
“No, I would have believed more than ever,” I said. I wasn’t being sarcastic, either. I remembered the Seekers Cult of 1956. Even after the date for their apocalypse passed, the member of the cult clung to their beliefs. They altered the date and hung on, because they couldn’t bear to think that they had sold all their possessions, lost their jobs and devoted their lives to a hoax. In other words, they had no social line of retreat. If they were wrong, they were stupid, so they COULDN’T be wrong.
I don’t want to draw any false equivalencies with supposed Nephite groups and cults. Still, a popular conception in the LDS church is that these particular Nephites felt pressured to conform, and were demonstrating great faith by continuing to wait for the sign. In reality these “pressures” were doomed to be counterproductive. The Nephites already had a social group which agreed with their views, so they felt less pressure to conform. Besides that, the mocking of the non believers eliminated the social line of retreat of those Nephites. If they didn’t believe, they were not only wrong, but also stupid, and had wasted their time for over 400 years. Of COURSE they clung to their beliefs.
Now, I’ll use a more personal (and still LDS, sorry) example. It’s terrifying for me to think of leaving the Church because I have no social line of retreat. If I leave, I lose the approval and respect of my family and friends. If I leave I have wasted 17 years of my life. And if leaving is the wrong decision? THEN I suffer in the afterlife. Doesn’t it sound more appealing to stay, considering the circumstances? Other communities, such as the Amish, have even more severe consequences for disagreement.
Even Christ had a bad habit of eliminating social lines of retreat to hold on to his followers. To paraphrase, he said “You are either with me or against me. If you are lukewarm, I spit you out of my mouth.” Not a lot of wriggle room in that statement.
So what does this mean? When you want to change someone’s mind, you need to give them a social line of retreat, allowing them to be wrong, yet not humiliated. Otherwise, they’ll fight you like a cornered rat on PCP, and you won’t change their opinion no matter how superior your points are. If you want to prevent people from changing their minds when they already agree with you, eliminate their social lines of retreat. Once the thought of being wrong becomes unbearable, someone’s opinions on a topic are unlikely to change.
There’s usually two forces that change someone’s mind: evidence or social pressure.
Evidence can be personal experience, or credible sources, or evidence presented in a digestible fashion - for example a common sense point of view (“If this thing really cured cancer, how is it all these people who use/do this thing still get cancer?”). That said, this works only when the person is open to listening and considering to begin with .
Social pressure on the other hand, is about what will gain/lose you esteem in the your social circles. Just as often the shitty views people have were developed by this same pressure and are undone by it.
Consider the support for marriage equality… it’s not like the country was all silently waiting for the laws to change, most of this shift in attitude has been over the last 10 years, really, and a lot of it being based in the fact it’s “no longer cool” to be a homophobic piece of shit.
Of course, the key problem with this is that it’s not actually based directly in “you are a human, therefore your safety and rights matter” as much as popularity of a trend… but that said the environment of the latter does allow of the former to develop… some, anyway.
People assume the only two reasons to argue are to either change an individual’s mind, or to score social points. A third reason exists: to convince third parties by showing how the flawed thinking operates. The nice thing about deep close-mindedness is that it shows itself so easily, the contradictions and ridiculousness becomes so obvious - and it becomes easy to point out the underlying assumptions which make it work.
And for everyone else witnessing, because they’re not in the heat of the moment, more people can see the kind of thinking and go, “Oh, wait… maybe I think that way too… I never thought of it that way”. In other words, the point is for the fence-sitters to learn something, and those are the people most likely to shift attitudes.
Of course, face to face, with family, in work situations, etc, this only creates a great deal of animosity and social repercussion without much benefit - in those places I find it’s more useful to try to mitigate or deflect harmful actions, rather than try to address the poor thinking directly, especially since a lot of times backlash to calling it out can leave folks harassed, demoted, or assaulted.
As I often say: people will show you what they are committed towards. If someone has decades of believing something easily disproven with 30 minutes of research or 10 minutes of thought, consider how much effort goes into sticking WITH that set of ideas…